he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
