he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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