She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
