i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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