all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
