i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
