shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
