so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish my penis had a tongue
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
