the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
