i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
