I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
