she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
