Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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