fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
