I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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