i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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