When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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