Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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