It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
zippers are such a cool invention
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
