What a fucking waste of an outfit
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
