i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
