Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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