Michael Bay diarrhea
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you never un-have a 4some
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
