We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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