That's intense
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
