hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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