In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
