i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A+ Viking dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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