i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
