I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
