you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
