Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
