i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
