So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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