is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
