Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
