Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
as a side note pls kill me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
