how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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