oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
