I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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