im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
