dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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