I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
