no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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