So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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