dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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