OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
