my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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