MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
