The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
