How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
