May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
