Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hippo gnu deer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
