Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sarcasm needs its own font
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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