I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize