If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did I show you my penis last night?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
