Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
