I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
