She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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