she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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