eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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