i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No I am not eating basil off your cock
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
