You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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