We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we're making bets on your personal life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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