I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize